It's Monday , 27th August.
Dad's surprise birthday went pretty good actually. He was indeed surprised. Thanks to all that helped.
I love you daddy . Towards the night, things were getting nasty . as usual . Had to fight with my mum cause of the amount of wine she was buying in the afternoon. Duh , it dint work. So what happened, YEAH . They got drunk . Nasty and just bad. Did not want to screw dad's birthday at all. & she had to. biggest devil of all. =( Became family problems individually. Im just sorry , so sorry. I wish I was never born for her, do I have a choice for that ? for her becoming my mum? Its something i have got no control on . Yeah I wish I had a MOTHER , likee a good proper one, like how all my other cousins have. A mother that supports, understands , pampers and all. Yeah Im used to all these craps , but at the end of the day . Deep down I still wish . Wish she changes , wish someday she actually behaves like a mother. & that's exactly why I respect all mothers who treats their children the way they should. My ex bf's mum was a really good mum I'd say. really respected and like her ,treated her like my own mum. But that dint last obviously , I wasnt meant to be with him . But thats fine, I dont feel the pinch any longer. My aunty's , yeah . They are my mothers. My Dad,
he's my friend, father, mother and everything else. He knows me in and out. Thats why I love him oh so much.People dont really get how i really feel , cause I'm known for that retarded crazy girl .
But you know they say, the craziest person feels the most pain.
All I wanna achieve in life , would be getting my degree and earning what I want to earn not what i can earn.
These boys, love , feelings , heartbreaks .. Aint necessary now .
Even though , there's that one man in my head all the time since last year December 14th, the day I first saw him obviously. I'm not saying I'll have him in my life as my life partner. But I'm willing to try , willing to try to melt his heart . There have been different guys in these months definitely , but no matter what happens , I still have him in my head. I don't have his number till date, nothing. Facebook chat helps alot. All these months ,
i just feel more and more attached. I care too much for him. Praying that he'll have a great trip in Brunei for the next two weeks. and he's safe out there & return safely. So that I can have my conversation with him once again.
I'm not drop dead at all ,
I have pimples,
Scar & My own Flaws ,
I'm not rich , not a huge house.
But I have a heart that would take good care of your heart made of gold.
Just a chance to prove .
I dont know why he just cant get outtuh my head.
He rejected me when i asked to dance , I added him , he just would'nt talk properly in the beginning.
then I stopped too , I decided that I aint gonna talk to a rude egoistic person like him , but it started again .
Then continued and led on and on and on. & now I cant get this gem out.
I'm afraid that he'll fall for someone else when he starts school if I don't start doing something about it.
But what if i do , & he stops talking to me ? Even my slightest chance would disappear wont it.
I'd really love to have him God , have a heart full of gold like his throughout my life.
This is for you ,
I hope you're having a time of your life in Brunei and you're safe there!
Return safely Jangari .
Yeah, I honestly I miss you already man. It's just so weird aint it.
I cant be telling you all these directly, you'll prolly hate me alrdy.
Come back soon , I can't wait to have a convo , with you Mr Jangari .
I guess I'll wait till things are meant to be , Praying that you'll not fall for anybody else.
It'll break my heart even without you knowing.
Takecare man.
Your like an angel ,
With A heart fulla gold,
I don't know how I fell,
It feels so cold.
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